So many things...

How long has it been since I last posted.. hmm can't even remember but it feels .. so old..
So many things happened..it's crazy..
Life is going at a full speed right now, well the whole world is going at full speed.. at least this is how I feel.
I need time, I want time, .. but Time left and didn't wait for me.; and I'm running after him..
Actually, at this very precise moment I'm wondering how I'm going to be able to catch him.. because I sure don't want to let him go.. I can NOT let him go, else, I'm at  loss..

anyway.. I don't really feel like writing one of those supposed-to-be-yet-fail-at-it "very thoughtful" entry.., not because no one would be reading it but because I have this maths problem waiting for me .. and I guess my mind is so full of .. various thoughts that I wouldn't even know where to start..

On a side note,
I'm -VERY- happy I got to see history made with the election of Barack Obama as the president of the United States of America..


ps: color i s what I needed.. ( there are so many songs on this album that are , simply, awesome)..

things are being hard..
as expected.

First, school:
The amount of things I have to learn, know is awfully impressive, and I'm not exaggereting a slightly bit.
Maths, physics, engineering science, all are being tough and require a lot of attention and work..
But, I knew it'd be such so I'm not complaining.

Now, look, the foolish me is "falling in love."?? (with a stranger ??? !!! no way..). or I don't know what it is actually, I simply know that it really isn't the best time for such a thing to happen ... crap, crap, and crap.
I don't know why I'm obsessed with him.
The last time I've been obsessed with a guy like this was 11 years ago.
Yes, ELEVEN !! and I'm not even lying..
So why NOW ????
WHY?

Today, I realised that if I want him to, at least notice me, it'll be harder than what I could have ever imagined. Basically, it'l like, we never get to see each other. NEVER.
I see, from time to time, at least once a day, someone that is in the same class he is, but him???
never.
never.
never.

and it's so depressing.

Now, I'm telling myself that anyway, maybe it's just bound not to happen..
after all, if I remember well, I only saw him once last year. YES ONCE IN A WHOLE YEAR!!!!
I remember back then, (that time I had seen him at the library) that I hadn't even seen his face that I knew he was..*speechless*..
but I didn't become obsessed.. because, there're lots of handsome guys in the school I am. so .. yeah.. I just remembered him as "the guy of the library" up until a friend of mine who was also a first year told me about a cute PC (section he's in) ..but I really hadn't bother much...back then..

SO WHY AM I KNOW ACTING AS IF HE WAS THE ONLY GUY AROUND..

it's much more than the looks, it's him. I don't know how to explain this but I REALLY want to get to know him..but I'm sucha chicken....>_> that even though I know what his facebook is I don't dare to add him and send him a message.. because if he says NO, then it will be over forever............
And I have no self confidence...
Why him seriously??

because he's blonde with blue eyes?  lol, anyone who knows me well enough know that I find dark brown haired  guy with brown eyes hotter anyway...because he's SMART?  since it's a rather good school, nearly all of the guys there are either smart or geniuses..because he's CUTE CUTE CUTE; mm others are too.. I guess it's because I have the feeling he's open minded. Not by judging from hislook or whatever, in fact maybe I did totally became obsessed why looking him up on the web..  He got my curiosity on during the exam because while I took a glimpse at a sheet I saw that he had a "noble" particle in his name  ( de). and  it was the first time i'd ever seen someone who had one.. so I went to get the students list of his section and when I knew his family name I looked it up to see if they were true aristocratic and so on...

Well, he is.

But even so, I don't care about that.. The guy is him..


I don't if I'm making sense or not.

And why , anyway, did he have to come and sat right next to me.?  asking me to stand up and move so that he could get one of those two empty seats between me and a classmate.
huh WHY?


anyway, I am really thankful to those who left comments with advices on my previous entry.!! you have no idea how much it helped me and made me happy. First because I can't talk about this in RL and last but not least, because you actually made me realize that IT CAN BE POSSIBLE !!!  All I need now is courage !!!!!!

it's been a long time since the last time I posted..
sorry for not replying to those who left comments on my last entry. But I very much agree with what you said and am thankful for the support ^__^

Life's going on and it's busy and .. hmm well as expected.

I shouldn't even be posting now but hmm I'm in DESPERATE need of advices.
So, here's the story:
Last saturday (not yesterday but the previous one) I had a physics test and besides me sat a guy... I think I may have fallen for him..
Well, he's cute, clever, looks like someone nice, and he has one of those smile.......ahhh but the problem is he doesn't know me and I don't know him.. During the exam I managed to take a glimpse at his name you see and I then went to get the student list paper to see if I got it right..
so now, I have his name. but the guy still dosn't know who I am and that I even exist.

I don't know what to do. I'm not all in love with him because .. I DON'T KNOW HIM. 
but  i SO want to get to know him. not especially make out with him, just  "friend-friend" relationship..
And he's not in my class so I can't see him often...
Man , it's so fustrating, there are days when I just feel like asking him his phone number or whatever just to talk to him!!!!!!!!!! whatever but what?

And I find him so fskjlsfsjfljsf CUTE like seriously WOW, though I know there cuter and more sexy guys out there.. It's just him.. and he's clever and and and !!!!!

Since I have his full name I searched whether he had a facebook or not and he does !!!
lol I'm acting quite a bit like a stalker. I mean, i know how many siblings he has, who is his father and so on.. (yes, all of this thanks to facebook and google)...

and last thing he comes from quite an aristocratic family (can we say this in english?) so even if I were to go and talk to him I don't know how he'll see this.; Anyway, I don't really know what is the general opinion a guy has of a girl that comes and talks to him...

Anyone wants to give me advice?

I'm so desperate  that I even considered starting smoking just to go to him and ask him fire or whatever.......


PLEASE !!!!!

I'm not perfect.

and anyway, noone is perfect..

But there are people who are a slightly  bit closer to perfection than others.

What is perfection anyway?

and even if someone knew, he would only think and pretend he knew because it's not possible for a human being to KNOW exactly  what perfection is, simply because noone has ever seen/experienced it..And this is even more true when it comes to the kind of perfection you can apply to .. everyone.


Anyway, my point wasn't to talk about perfection..

It wasn't at all.

Another school week is over, and thus I'm getting closer to the "JOUR J"

Apart the fact that I'm in a huge and deep shit in physics  and that maths really do require a lot of work. I'm ok.
or well, not really actually, I just had a physics exam today. and yes, I realize how much  I'm in a totally unfavorable position ...
anyway, .. it's not like I should talk about it...I don't like talking about it after all. Because it simply makes me feel depressed..
I still miss the -exellent- grades I was getting in high school...>_> 
But let's hope that this year won't be as much of a hell as the last.. hopefully people in my class will be less narrow-minded and scornful...

talking about scornful, I also saw those people who were with me last year. and though I was right in front of them, they didn't even say "bonjour" ..
I mean com'on is it that hard to just look at me and say "bonjour"???
I hate those people.. and they're supposed to become the next  "elite"... anyway that wasn't the point neither, hopefully there are still people who manage to remain humble, no matter how impressive they are..
I shouldn't think about them since they're not with me this year.


I don't even know why I'm posting, life at school feels a little bit lonely., just a little bit though so it's okay.
And I'm being the worst friend ever.., one of my  long time friend is pregnant and she's about to get an abortion..I can't believe I just wrote this. (it's crazy how you truly realize things when they're written down)..maybe she even already had it.
I wonder if she's alright, I' wonder what I'm supposed to do, I wonder what I should do , as someone who believes in God, ... I wonder..   if I'll consider her the same way because she , somehow, committed a crime..and.. But I don't have the right to judge her.. I must accept her as she is.. ... and I do worry for her..
and in the meanwhile, it's been over a week, that I have no news from her....
I don't have news from A neither...


I'd like to be so many things, or adjectives actually.. I'd like to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, clever, nice, funny, understanding, cool, pretty ..impress people?? XD
But I'm not.
I do try my best though.. or well not at the "being pretty" one .. but .. umm.. I can't say I don't want to be pretty, it just.. I don't know,        it won't fit me..
Well, maybe I'm just aiming too high, or too much towards perfection..

and again . what is perfection?

Do you know about Flock ???
well, if you don't and are one of those people who have accounts on facebook, livejournal , wordpress, photobucket, flickr and many many others, then this web browser is made for you.
You may know how it can be annoying, time wasting and so on to sometimes, save upload and blog about anything.. well with Flock, everything is easier.
But I'll let you have a look at the website Flock the social web Browser 
;D

okay.. I know .. It has been said, written many times already but I need to let it out.

BEN BARNES IS HOT .

like..for serious.

and yes, I've just watched Narnia Prince Caspian .. and ohhh man.. oh man....*_*
what a good way to end a movie.
and he's even hotter when he kisses.
and the guy is ???  28 years old soon.


anyway. Other than this. I'm back from LONDON
I spent around 6 days there and ..
THAT WAS GREAT ;
Plus there was sun and and and and .. great . yes that was ..
absolutely great.

and It's been two weeks that I'm on holidays.
an yes, ..
I feel great.

ps: this entry was so pointless.. >_>
pps: also, alex pettyfer is hot.

so .. I should close this lj..

but

there are private entries there...

arghhh.. how dumb I am .. I thought every entry written here was je oriented .. and so didn't really care taking a new start with a new lj and delete this one..
but private entries..
what am I gonna do about it ????



so ???

so I have no choice but to keep this one.. however.

every entry with dl links will be deleted

I'm sorry this sounds stupid to some of you but the main reason for this is that it isn't safe to up and dl stuff in the country where I live anymore..
So it's better and safer for me to delete my mu , mf and .. etc account I have .
Thus all the links will be deleted and there will be no use in me keeping those entries ...

Please, understand I'm not doing this because of me.. but because of the legislation in my own country.

also

People who friended me for dl links better defriend me

because this journal will be totally, completely ..well FULLY REAL LIFE oriented/based??
yes.
I decided so.
and as much as I don't really feel like friend locking all of my "future" entries... I don't want to spam your f-page with entries you'd rather not see.



I guess that's it... ^^" v

...or call it whatever you want, the point is .. i won't be there .. or "supposedly" .. i won't be there ..
I won't explain why because it's useless but I'll try to get back .., not as soon as possible, but as soon as things get better.. which ultimately puts the "so called hiatus" into an indeterminate time..
However, I'll very most likely upload .
Like KAT-TUN NEWS Kanjani8 appearances, (shounen club or ms or other tv show) and Johnnys countdown.. of course all of these aren't 100% sure but that's pretty much all I feel like doing now..
Also I might be around for Christmas and New Year  . hmm. so yes, that's it..
anyway it's not like it's sth new since I haven't written a proper entry since October.. and I don't even know why I'm typing this..>.>

other than this I hope you'll all spend a good month  ^____^ !!